Out of My Pain (In Brokenness and Surrender), in the Name of Jesus Christ

I consider myself to be a strong person……well, for the most part.

I’ve been through many things………from financial difficulties to homelessness. But through it all, the hands of God have been upon my life.

You see, dear reader, God is for me. He is not against me. Even when my closest friends from college left me and certain members from church condemn me, God sees, He knows, He understands and He feels my pain. 

Even Jesus went through pain and wrestled it. He even questioned His Heavenly Father to take away the pain and give it to someone else:

~”Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.”~Matthew 26:42, English Standard Version~

But God basically told Jesus (I am imagining what God could have told Jesus by paraphrasing the above mentioned Bible verse——–not quoting it): 

“No, I can’t take this pain away from you. My plan for you must be accomplished. My will. Not yours.”~God to Jesus~

One ex-friend from college told me, “You used to be a good person to talk to.”

Good? Since when was I a good person? I am a sinner, who is short of the grace of God. I need Jesus!

~”For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins.”~Romans 3:23-25 English Standard Version~

Words. Words. Words. They do not affect me. And so, it is out of my pain, that I minister to people at my church. I put a smile on my face when I go to Sunday School in order to be the joy of Christ to my Sunday School classmates.  It is out of my pain, that I write for Atlanta Christian Voice as I deny myself of the mental and emotional pain that I feel. And it is out of my pain that I love my parents where they are at with the Holy Spirit of God as He humbles me with His fruits. I also remember this:

I am a child of God. Of course, I am not a good person nor do I have my life altogether. I am a broken mess. I am far from perfect. But, in order for me to be the hands and feet of Christ to each person, who I meet, I must DENY MYSELF of the pain that I feel in order to be effective in ministry of any kind or type.


~”For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”~Philippians 1:21, New International Version~

Dying to pain is serious. It is also something that I do on a daily basis so that I can be an effective tool for God. This can include painful memories of the trauma experienced when I was homeless, painful childhood memories of abuse, and the stress from past financial difficulties. These things from my past DO NOT (I repeat, they DO NOT) define me. My past DOES NOT define me. My relationship with Christ defines who I am as I die to sin, the law, and MYSELF as a point of reference.

I enjoy dying to my pain because allows the Holy Spirit of God to enter into my life and take control as He heals me and uses me in the Way that He wants to. As I die to my pain, the joy of the LORD becomes my strength.

~”for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”~Nehemiah 8:10, English Standard Version~

As I die to my pain, I can enter into the presence of God. As I die to my pain, I can thank God with a bountiful heart. As I die to my pain, I remember of what I can do: I can do all things (include die to pain), in the Name of Jesus Christ.

I know that God will use me. I know that He is always using me and it is my Hope that He will use you to minister to the lost and hurting out of your painful experiences, memories, or condition. 

Remember, dear one. God can use you in any way He wants to: You just have to be in a state of brokenness and surrender to allow His Holy Spirit to work in and through you effectively.

God bless you, dear reader. Take care! ❤ 


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