I am praying. I am praying for a miracle.

About two weeks ago, I thought that the Lord healed me of Bi Polar Disorder. It turns out that God did not heal me. This greatly discouraged me. I felt as if the enemy and all of the forces of hell defeated me.

~”For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”~Ephesians 6:12, ESV~

I know that Bi Polar Disorder is not of God. I also know that God can use any physical or mental illness, or any good or bad thing, for His good and greater glory. I had to surrender all of me to the Lord so that He could use me in spite of my mental illness.

I had a dream recently. One of my good friends from my church was praying to the Lord and wearing a white dress and kneeling before the Lord as she was gazing up at the sky. She saw stars falling from the sky and the sky was very red. The church that the both of us go to was burning on fire with the Holy Spirit. She was crying out to God with tears coming down her face. She reached an outstretched hand towards me and said with tears in her eyes, “Don’t go away!.” as she saw a hand of the enemy pull me away from her and into a dark place.

I believe that when she said this statement that God was using my friend to warn me to not go into a dark place and to not give into the dark forces of the enemy in spite of my Bi Polar Disorder. The enemy is trying to use my Bi Polar Disorder for his way and God is trying to use my Bi Polar Disorder for His good.

I cried out to God in my bedroom a few days ago with the prayer that God would heal me. I know that God sees me as beautiful. I know that God sees me as loved and wonderfully made. It is hard for me to accept that about myself sometimes because I choose, at times, to see myself through the lenses of my Bi Polar Disorder and not how God sees me.

~”I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. “~Psalm 139:14, KJV~

It is in these moments that I can choose: to see myself as loved and wonderfully made, or to see myself negatively and in the way that the enemy wants me to see myself. I choose to see myself as a loved child of the King of kings and Lord of lords so that the name of Christ is magnified all the more!

God loves me. God so loved me that He sent Jesus to die for me and rise from the grave for me. I have a reason to praise the Lord for my salvation today! He died for me so that I can have the gift of salvation through His grace!

~”For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God–not by works, so that no one can boast.”~Ephesians 2:8-9, NIV~

I am thankful to God that I have salvation in His only Begotten Son. The King of kings and Lord of lords is my Savior. I have salvation in Christ today! It is for this reason that I can rejoice because I am loved and wonderfully made!

What about you? Whether you are reading this blog post out of curiosity, or because you too have a physical or mental illness, or if the Holy Spirit of God led you to this blog post on purpose, my hope is that you will take away after reading this that you are loved. Loved. So Loved. And wonderfully made.