A Heart Running Red

I am joyful. I am a joyful child of the King with bipolar disorder.

This Christmas season was difficult. One reason is because of my bipolar disorder and the challenges and circumstances surrounding it. I became more emotional and my emotions drew me closer to Him so that I could express my emotions more as the Lord above expressed His great love to me.

One way that the Lord expressed His great love to me this Christmas season was through prayer. Prayer drew me closer to the Lord as I made a connection to the Divine Almighty through this great outlet called prayer. The Lord gave me the opportunity to pray out my emotions to Him: my sadness, my anger, and the grief that I was experiencing as I told the Lord of my feelings.

~”The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”~ Jeremiah 31: 3, KJV~

The more that I prayed out my emotions to the Lord (especially on Christmas Eve), the more that I experienced the love of the Lord as the ultimate emotion that conquered all of my other emotions.

`’No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”~ Romans 8: 37, NIV~

As I expressed my sadness to the Lord, this allowed for me to experience the love of God, as a child of God with bipolar disorder. Tears are normal and so is crying before the Lord in His presence. Crying allows for me, as a child of God with bipolar disorder, to express my deepest thoughts and words before the Lord that make me sad.

Part of learning to let go is learning how to process sadness. This is one of the ways that I became content before the presence of the Lord. In this way, I experienced the overwhelming love of Jehovah.

As I expressed my anger to the Lord, I learned to let go of the resentment that I felt, particularly towards my friends from college and family members (I have forgiven them, but it is especially hard for me during Christmas to not think about the hurt that they caused me. I talk more in my book to be released in February 2022, “A Victory Song: Beneath the Veil,” about how I learned to set boundaries with my friends from college as a result of the hurt that they caused me out of my pain and in surrender to the Lord as the Lord showed me how to forgive them. Please consider buying this book if you are already thinking about buying it!)

Overall, I experienced the love of the Lord through learning to journal out my feelings of anger towards my friends from college and my family members. Part of learning to let go is learning healthy and Godly ways to process anger, especially through journaling and prayer. In this way, I still experience the overwhelming love of Jehovah in His presence (even at Christmas time!!)

A I expressed the grief that I felt to the Lord, I learned to LET GO, LET IT GO, and to LET GOD draw near to me, especially during this Christmas time. Going on nature walks is one way that I die to my sadness and anger that I feel and let the love of God cover my heart as I process the grief that I feel around this Christmas time. In this way, I always feel the love of God carrying me and drawing me nearer and nearer to Him: Jesus, that is.

My love for Jesus has grown over the years as a result of learning to let go and let God work in and on my heart and heal my mind. As a result, I feel myself drawing closer to Jesus as I step deeper and deeper into His presence and let the heart of God run red over me.

The blood of Jesus runs red for me, as a child of God with bipolar disorder, this Christmas season and I pray that You will let it run red for you too and for your loved ones in your home this Christmas too! Merry Christmas everyone!!

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